We’ve all been there… running late, hoping to make up a bit of time on the road, and there’s
the road construction. Sitting in line, waiting to move, we think dark
thoughts about the members of the road crew, the DOT, and the government in
general. And we completely forget it is our own fault for failing to plan
ahead that has caused us to run late. It is precisely this type of negative
thinking that can cause an ordinary day to spiral downward into rough and
hellish realms. I’ve seen it, I’ve done it, and lately I’ve been seeing a lot
of memes portraying various scenes of this behavior.
Stop it! Quityerbitchin! I would like to
cheerfully remind you (and myself) that we have the power to change….basically
everything! Because we have the power to choose, we can change the world. We
can choose to get up earlier, to leave earlier, to check traffic reports and
road conditions to try to be early or on time. We also have the power to choose
which emotions to allow to rule the situation, which thought process to follow
at any given time, which actions to take, and when to remain still and silent. And
for those of us born after 1970, who may have missed out on those civics
classes our elders sat through, we could use a healthy reminder of how taxes
are designed to take a bit from all to benefit many. They were not invented by
the Nazis to punish us.
Imagine the opening scenario a
little differently. We are still running late, because stuff happens no matter
how well we plan ahead. However, we accept the fact that we will be late, we
plan our apology to be brief and honest, and we move on to thinking of other
more productive things. We take a deep breath, blow away the negative energy,
and think happy thoughts. When we arrive at the road construction, we think of
how great it is to live in a country where we have a system designed to take
just a small percentage of everyone’s income to help pay for the design,
building, upkeep and repair, of roads and bridges to take us where we need to
go. We look at the members of the road crew as people, just like us, working to
pay their bills, and perhaps to pay for the education required to design that
bridge rather than hold the sign that made us stop. Contrary to popular belief,
they are not out there planning on where and when to make us late and
miserable. We do that well enough on our own.
Now imagine how that kind of
positive thinking can change other moments of your day. Waiting in line gets
easier when you stop thinking of yourself and wonder about the inner thoughts
and outer lives of those in line with you, or those serving you. If we stop to
make eye contact, to actually connect when greeting people, to remember our
shared humanity, we can make the difference between suffering in silence and
commiserating with our fellow human beings. We all have stories that need to be
shared. Rushing through our days consumed with our own story prevents us from
ever hearing the others’. If we can learn to slow down and take a few moments
to acknowledge our co-journeyers and to hear a bit of their stories, we may
find ourselves feeling a bit less alone and harried.
“There but for the Grace of God
go I” is a favorite quote of mine. It is a humbling reminder that I am no
better than any other human being. If I am honest with myself when I look back
over my life, I can see moments when a different choice would have made a big
difference that may not have been a good one. And I can see many times when a
kind word from a stranger made all the difference in the world. It can be hard
to believe in yourself. When you are young, tired, stressed, untrained, unsure,
overwhelmed by all that life has thrown at you, it can be very difficult to see
the path. When those around you are self-absorbed and self-centered, it can be
even harder to find a way through. When you have struggled and failed
repeatedly, it can be hard to find the faith to try again because you expect
more failure. It becomes a way of life. You are trapped in a downward spiral of
negative thinking that you can’t escape. That is how people become mentally
ill, how they lose jobs, lose relationships, become homeless. Despair is a
powerful emotion.
You have the power to change
that. You can look into someone’s eyes, and ask them how they are, and listen
to their answer. You can refrain from telling stories that show how you’ve had
it worse somehow. You can listen and say nothing. You might be able to think of
something kind to say. Sometimes kind words and positive advice can be helpful.
Sometimes all they need to know is that they’ve been heard. You don’t have to
know all the answers. With practice, you learn when to share, and when to just
listen.
Be the change you wish to see in
the world. Begin as you mean to continue. Be the rainbow in someone else’s
cloud. Be the hope….wise words from wonderful people. These are all a great
place to start, and wonderful way to live. But if all of that seems to be too
much for you today, then I ask you to simply Be. To simply Be is to do no harm,
to affect no one, to save your strength and energy for another day. It is the
best place to start.
